Sendirian Banget?

Hai...... Lagi baper bgt belakangan ini. Entah kenapa.

Lagi ngerasanya kesepian bgt aja. Norak ya? Tapi serius deh. Kesepiannya lain dari biasanya..

Iya, jadi sebenernya gua gak sendiri banget. Tapi ngerasa kesepian aja gitu. Pernah ngalamin jg yg kaya gini? Feels suck. Di saat sebenernya ada orang-orang di sekeliling lu, tapi itu tuh gak ada artinya. Soalnya, malah sebenernya justru mereka yang bikin lu ngerasa 'sendiri'. 

Terus lagi, di saat lu pikir lu punya orang yang bisa lu curhatin, yang lu pikir bisa ngasih advice, yang lu pikir bisa support you no matter what, yang lu pikir bakal being there whenever you need them, yang lu pikir selalu wholeheartedly dengerin curhatan lu yang panjang dan ribet dan memusingkan- it turns out that they are not.

Sebenernya ini ga boleh. Tapi gua jadi ngerasa kaya yang ya-ampun-pas-elo-lagi-terpuruk-aja-gua-ada-buat-elo-tapi-sekarang-elo-kemana *Remind me of one particular song:p*. Ngerasa udah memberi, terus jadi berharap diberi. This is shit.

Kalo lagi baper ya gini nih, hal apapun pasti dipikirin. Hal kecil sekalipun. Dan parahnya, most of them are evil thoughts. Overthinking deh. Insecurities alert. So typically me.

Somebody once told me that everybody needs a person that can make them feel alive. Feels happy, in any circumstances. Everybody needs that one particular person. Someone to look up to when you're feeling down. Someone to boost yourself up. Someone that could take you out of your misery.

And I definitely need a 'you'.

Tapi, the thought of relying on someone scared the hell out of me. Relying on someone makes you vulnerable. Makes you weak. Makes your heart will be possibly broken. Why would I want that?